RADIO MIX UP

Set out a long table with four chairs facing your audience. Give each of the presenters a name card large enough for every one to read and just follow the script!

Cast:
Compere
Gardner - Bill Grow
Nurse - Patty Bottom
Cook - Eva Dough
Mechanic - Ivor Spanner

Compere: Ladies and gentlemen. We all like listening to the radio whether its music or a play, a news programme or a documentary. However, this afternoon we have a slight mix-up at the transmitter but we trust this will not spoil your enjoyment.

G: I should like to speak to you tonight…
N: … on how to look after baby. I will try to show you…
C: …some of my favourite recipes. I am sure you will all learn…
M: …exactly how to look after your car. If your car has been laid up for the winter, the best thing to do…
C: …is cut it up into small pieces and boil it for half an hour. For a large family, it is best to bake your pudding…
N: …in a bath of water about 60 degrees. Always clean baby's face…
M: …with an oily rag, and dry it…
G: …with the largest sack you can find. If you want a really good crop of potatoes, be sure to give them…
N: …baby milk four times a day. If you want to keep the baby in a good temper…
C: …sprinkle it all over with breadcrumbs. To make a nice light pastry, take half a pound of flour and…
M: slap on as much axle grease as you can find. To give your car a real shiny effect, I advise you to varnish it…
C: …with gooseberry jam or golden syrup. When making sponge you should…
N: …take the sponge from baby's bath and…
G: …add a little fertilizer and…
C: …squeeze it out very thoroughly. Add a little milk and beat it…
G: …with a spade or garden fork. If you are troubled with a lot of worms…
C: …chop them up and put them in your shepherd's pie. They are really tasty but let me remind you that…
N: …for a baby a couple of days old you will need a bed…
G: …at least five yards long and filled with manure. I suggest you do your digging…
C: …with a teaspoon. You should remember that…
N: …if baby is restless and cries a lot, the best thing to do is…
M: …give it a good hard tap with a hammer and if that fails…
C: … stick a knife into it and if it comes out clean you will know it is done. When you have finished the cake…
N: …put talcum powder on it…
G: …or, better still, slug powder. If you find mice are eating all your plants the best way to catch them is…
M: …in a fast moving car with the headlights full on or…
C: …use a rolling pin and you will have no more trouble.
N: Take two ounces of baby food…
G: …and two bags of fertilizer…
M: …and two gallons of petrol. The result will really surprise you. If you have no petrol in your car use…
N: …milk from baby's bottle. Try feeding him with…
G: …a watering can. If your green beans…
N: …begin to shout and kick and wave his legs and arms about, you must…
G: …cut them off at the roots with a large knife. The best bed of onions has…
N: …flannel sheets and a pillow. After three months the baby will be…
G: …about six feet tall…
M: …and eight feet wide. A good mechanic should never…
N: …try to put his toe in his mouth. If baby cries…
M: …its tank is empty. In this case…
G: …dig a six-foot trench and bury it. A grass broom or long rake…
N: …will keep baby's head in good condition. Finally, there are some ways to put baby to sleep…
M: …step on it as hard as you can…
G: …or put it on the bonfire with the rest of the rubbish…
C: …or simply put it through the mincing machine. That ends my little talk so I will say…
G: …goodnight everybody…
N: …and thank you for listening.